When someone we love is feeling down, many of us tend to offer heartfelt encouragement to cheer them up. It’s natural – we want our loved ones to feel good and be happy. We seek ways to support them after a setback. But here’s the paradox: while it’s easy to provide heartfelt support to others, we often forget to give that same heartfelt encouragement to ourselves. When left unchecked, the negative thoughts and self-criticism we all experience from time to time can easily signal the beginning of a downward spiral. To be heartfelt isn’t just about being heartfelt with others, it means we give ourselves the same grace, forgiveness, and encouragement as we give to the people close to us.
In recent years, research began to focus on self-compassion. Yet, many of us still struggle with this concept because we haven’t been taught strategies to begin. We work hard. We spend time improving ourselves. We invest in making ourselves better. And even with all of our improvements, we may experience setbacks and struggles. It happens to all of us, and it doesn't mean we don't deserve the same heartfelt thoughts and ideas to lift us up, as we would a friend.
Preparation to be heartfelt is as important as taking action when it is needed. This means writing a heartfelt message to ourselves before we experience difficult times. It also means identifying activities that are important to us before we need a break. We can’t always rely on others to be heartfelt in the moment, therefore it is critical to have the skills and tools available for us to take care of ourselves. When we prepare in advance for setbacks, we are ready for the times we will need additional strength. Therefore, the best way to stay strong is to be heartfelt and identify the words and actions most meaningful to us.
As I look at my heartfelt activities today, they are similar to the actions I took as a teenager when times were hard. I would take a walk in the woods to reprieve from the stressors. I would write my thoughts in my journal to help process them. I would watch my favorite movie over and over and over. Because of these actions and words, I have pulled myself out of some downward spirals that felt like they would be never-ending.
Be prepared. Identify your unique actions. Write words of encouragement. Be heartfelt.
Special Note: After leadership class on a cold winter day, we enjoyed chili, soup, and crafts – a moment to be heartfelt. It was during this time, we focused on ourselves, on the words and actions most meaningful to us.
KerryOn Questions
- How can you Be Heartfelt and encourage yourself when you need it most?
- What are your unique words and actions to prepare you in advance of difficult times?
- In what ways can you incorporate Be Heartful into your everyday life?
The Kerry behind KerryOn
My name is Kerry K. Fierke, Ed.D. (pron. Fear-Key) I have a unique combination of skills and experience – decades of fast-paced corporate experience in Fortune 100 companies and large health care organizations, combined with the academic rigor of a highly ranked research university. My focus is supporting others to create their own path to leadership development, lifelong learning, and a unique leadership legacy. Take a moment to focus on leadership, then KerryOn!
To see all KerryOn's and other leadership stuff, visit www.kerrykfierke.com.
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