KerryOn: Recovering Perfectionist

I am a recovering perfectionist. For most of my life I strived for the impossible goal of perfect. I’m not quite sure where this obsession began. However, I remember specifically that it intensified as my career started to develop. It was a time when my work, my appearance -- my brand -- felt like it needed to be perfect; everything in its place. I now know, “perfection” does not exist.

Learning this lesson hit me hard in my mid-20s, right when everything in my career was coming together. I was on a business trip, and we had just finished a training and had time before our dinner to stop into a few nearby stores. My colleagues and I ended up at a Coach store, looking at handbags. Swirling in my head was my intensifying career, the new graduate program I had recently started, and my unwavering belief that my image needed to reflect professionalism. I had my sights set on a beautiful brown leather briefcase. It was like nothing I’d seen or felt before – solid and sturdy, but beautifully soft and flexible. The perfect symbol to reflect my professional perfection!

I called my husband to talk about this bag (we discuss any items of significant cost before purchase, and this was definitely significant, at this point in our lives). He encouraged me to buy it even though we were still in the process of fixing up our house at the time.

At the time, I spent more money on that one bag than I had on any other personal item in my entire life. Ever.

My new beautiful bag! I was so excited as I placed it in my suitcase for the flight home. I couldn’t wait to walk into the office. When I arrived home and unpacked, I discovered that the liquids in my suitcase opened and spilled onto the front of my new leather bag. My perfect bag was ruined! I called Coach to see if I could get a replacement. I called a leather expert to see if they could clean it. I asked everyone I knew how I could fix it. Nothing worked. In the end, I was stuck with a ruined bag, bearing a big ugly stain on the front. I was heartbroken. I know it seems silly now, but at the time, I was devastated. I had made a very large purchase – something I had never done before – and it was ruined before I could even enjoy it. As a fiscally prudent person, this hit me hard.

Fortunately, I had a few days before I was back at work. After a day of feeling sorry for myself, I began to pull myself together and come to grips with the situation: I could throw away a bag that cost half of my weekly paycheck, or I could reframe this experience.

After looking at the bag for a long time, I realized it was still beautiful, despite the stains. More importantly, there was a lesson hidden in this experience, even though it was costly. It wasn’t long before my bag became a reminder for me each day, no matter how much I want it, or how hard I try – perfection doesn’t exist.

I used my bag for 10 years. I brought it everywhere, every day. The stains faded a bit, and new marks and nicks began to appear over time. My bag progressed with me into new careers altogether, until it eventually retired. Over the years I’ve bought many other Coach bags and purses, but none of them as beautiful.

My beautiful bag taught me a lot. Perfect does not exist. The only thing we can do is learn and grow, and that is what makes who we are so unbelievably beautiful.

How to complete a Circle Connection

- Are there parts of you that strives for the non-existent “perfect”?

- What can you do to practice being a recovering perfectionist?

- How can you learn and grow from life lessons to see that you are unbelievably beautiful?

The Kerry behind KerryOn

My name is Kerry K. Fierke, Ed.D. (pron. Fear-Key) I have a unique combination of skills and experience – decades of fast-paced corporate experience in Fortune 100 companies and large health care organizations, combined with the academic rigor of a highly ranked research university. My focus is supporting others to create their own path to leadership development, lifelong learning, and a unique leadership legacy. Take a moment to focus on leadership, then KerryOn!

To see all KerryOn's and other leadership stuff, visit www.kerrykfierke.com.